babies...babies

I had my picture taken with my team, and she had to have her picture taken too. Can't leave the princess out.


Ya know. I miss having a baby. We have been trying to have a baby for over 2 years. Peyton was 14 months old when we started trying. Thought...oh, yeah...it won't be an issue. I just had a baby so all will go fine. Well, not so much. Tried on our own for over a year. Then started going to the dr. Did Clomid. Fertility drug, yes. Minimal risk of multiples which is very important to me. I will not try anything with a big risk of more than one popping out. So did Clomid for 2 months...no avail. Couldn't do it the next month because of cysts that grew due to the meds. Went away the next month and did the Clomid again. This time with a shot that was to induce ovulation. Did exactly what we were told to do, and still didn't get prego. Steve had gotten checked during that time, and it ain't him. There is nothing wrong with me. Pretty much unexplained infertility. The next step is artificial insemination. No increased risk of multiples with this. However, this cost is upward of $1k. Don't have that kind of cash lying around, so we have taken a break from the dr. intervention. I hope every month some miracle will happen and it will work, and for free. ha We have already spent probably pretty close to $1k on dr. visits, sonograms, drugs, testing...etc. Goodness!



Ya know. I am turning 36 in a few days. I wonder to myself how in the world I would handle another child. Then I think of the pure and complete joy Peyton was to me when she was born and even to this day, and I want to add to that. Mostly, I feel for Peyton. I don't want Peyton to be an only child. It makes me so sad when I look out the window while cooking dinner and she is out on her swing just sitting there looking into space. No playmate..nobody to bug or swing or boss around. I want another baby mostly for her. Really, honestly, with as busy as life has gotten, and watching how Andi has to juggle the work, Ash and Addyson. It's tough. Am I willing to go through all that again. Well...really...if I had the choice, I would. I just worry about the amount of time in a day, and how the heck I would juggle it all. But I figure, we all manage somehow. Then also...36! Am I too old at this point? A constant juggle in my head. Do I or don't I? I think God ultimately will have that decision. Steve and I will have to come up with a "deadline" of sorts. If I am not prego by a certain year, then he has to go get snipped. I do not want an accidental pregnancy at age 50. ha



Frustration at its finest. I feel for those women that arent able to have even one. I at least have Peyton. Just for her, I pray for a sister/brother for her. I will figure out the rest.

Have a good Tues.