The baby delimna

Is that how you spell delimna? I don't know. It looks funny.

So. Let's see what thought my bloggers have on this subject.
Of course we have been trying to get pregnant for like 2 and a half years. We do want a baby. We want Peyton to have a sibling. We want that experience again. We want to expand our family. These are all things we both want. Then on the flip side:
Do I want to go through it all again? We just now are "moving on" so to speak, with life. Me getting a job that I enjoy and trying my best to be successful at it. We want things like a boat, go on more vacations, and just generally enjoy ourselves while we are relatively young. How hard would it be to find someone wanting to watch 2 kids vs. 1 kid? I feel guilty enough now working like I do with Peyton, will it be worse with another? I LOVE spending the time I have with Peyton. That is one reason I picked the job I did. Flexibility. Daycare is not for me, so how will I handle juggeling the time with them both and still being able to work and make money.

These are all things that make me second guess myself. Steve and I are 36 years old. God I wish we hadn't waited so long to start having kids. Biggest mistake to date. Because it is basically now or never for a 2nd one. If we were younger I wouldn't feel like it was now or never.

The reason this is a big issue in my head and in our household right now is because our last option that I am willing to try is artificial insemination (sp?) or otherwise known as IUI. This is a relatively low chance of having multiples. All they are doing is inserting sperm directly into the uterus. The only thing that has the increased chance of multiples is the fertility drug to help egg production. Which I have already taken this drug, and it only increases your chances by 10%. Which is about as high as I want to go. If we decide for sure to have another baby we are going to do this procedure here in the near future. Next couple of months. I think I question myself more is because since we haven't been able to get pregnant even with some dr. intervention, maybe it's just not meant to be.

But then, when you have your daughter drawing a picture of her "sister", it's hard to say, absolutely no more kids. Poor baby. When I see her playing on the playground by herself, makes me sad. She has her cousins. Ashleigh who is closest in age and spends the most time with, but ya know...they will eventually not have time to spend so much time together. Ash will be starting school, making new friends, and doing more and more activities.

Maybe I am just second guessing myself too much. I don't know. Some soul searching is in order to make sure that taking this last chance...last opportunity to have a baby is, in fact, what I want...what WE want. Because...that's just what this last attempt is. The IUI will be our final chance. I am only going to try it once. If it doesn't work. That is it for the baby chances. I am getting too old to keep it up. It is too expensive. And that will be my sign that more babies are not meant to be. Steve will go get "snipped" and we will call it. I don't want any surprises at age 45. ha

So that's the main thoughts for me lately. I just want to make sure whatever decision is the right one for us. I can question myself all day long. I do know though, that if we don't try it one more time, I will regret it when I am older. UGGGHHH! If I could just get knocked up like a normal person, my decision would be made for me. It happenes...and that's it. Another baby like it or not. ha

Any words of wisdom. Any food for thought?